Men Experience “Double Disenfranchisement” and Grieve in Complex Ways
SAN DIEGO (June 8, 2023) – The Institute of Reproductive Grief Care, the global authority on reproductive grief care research and education, asks that we all take a moment, on this Father’s Day, to validate and talk about the feelings of men impacted by reproductive loss.
“In our culture, women’s grief is downplayed, and men’s grief seems to be forgotten,” said Michaelene Fredenburg, president and CEO of the Institute of Reproductive Grief Care. “Father’s Day is a good time to recognize and talk openly about these feelings.”
Double Disenfranchisement
Studies show that men may face different challenges after reproductive loss, including expectations to support their partners to the exclusion of their own needs, and a lack of social recognition for their grief. This, combined with our culture’s overall marginalization of reproductive grief, means that men often face double-disenfranchised grief in relation to infertility, pregnancy and neonatal loss experiences.
“Not only does our culture downplay reproductive loss in general, but it often never occurs to loved ones that partners experience any grief at all,” explained Fredenburg. “This leads to double-disenfranchised grief.”
Facts About Men, Grief after Reproductive Loss
- Men can experience a high level of grief after reproductive loss. This grief needs to be acknowledged and validated by healthcare professionals, family, friends, community networks and workplaces.
- 50% of all men impacted by miscarriage are never even asked how they feel about it. If anyone mentions the loss, they only ask how their partners are doing.
- Men experience increased depressive and PTS symptoms after perinatal loss.
- Men experience higher attachment avoidance than women after reproductive loss.
- Parents can experience PTSD up to 18 years after a pregnancy loss, which can be increased by a lack of social support.
- Following pregnancy/neonatal loss, men engage more frequently than women in compensatory behaviors, such as increased substance use, score higher on avoidance scales, and experience difficulty in approaching or accessing support services.
- Men have higher depression symptoms during reproductive loss than men who haven’t had this experience.
- Men tend to report more social isolation during infertility and reproductive loss than women.
- Black men, in particular, feel higher levels of social isolation and anxiety during infertility and reproductive loss.
The latter two facts are courtesy of new research soon to be released. This research is being led by Dr. Clayton Brigance, a member of the Institute’s Healthcare Task Force and an expert on the emotional impact of infertility and reproductive loss on men.
Free Event!
Men often delay grief because of the cultural expectation to support their partner. Words like “rock,” “guardian,” and “repairman,” we’re used to self-define their roles in one study. This same study showed that men feel like a “secondary character” who is sidelined and placed in the outskirts of these emotional experience. One man in this study cried, for the first time, when given the opportunity to speak about his loss experience, fifteen years after his miscarriage occurred.
This study was the focus of an Institute “Research Reveals” event that can be accessed for free throughout the month of June. Simply go to this event on our site and use the code “FathersDay” to watch this event for free. Are you a nurse interested in a CE credit for this event? Go to the special showing of this event just for you.
Ways to Memorialize: Forget Me Not Flower
The “Forget Me Not” flower honors those impacted by reproductive loss, raises awareness for the millions impacted, and gives those grieving a way to tell their story and process their loss.
The Institute offers the “Forget Me Not” Signature Collection of memorial and remembrance items, including jewelry, like pins and bracelets, along with sympathy cards, and “comfort boxes,” all featuring the “Forget Me Not” flower. These items are available at the Institute’s store. All proceeds go directly to helping those impacted.
“We also need to remember that grandfathers, uncles, and other extended family may experience grief after reproductive loss,” added Fredenburg. “And infertility brings its own repeated grief.”
Ways to Heal
Do you know what to say to someone impacted by reproductive loss? Do you know how to help? Our Healing Resources are free for anyone who needs help, hope and healing after reproductive loss, and include:
- Helpful Toolkit for Men
- Helpful Toolkit for Loved Ones
- Helpful Toolkit for Women
- Top 10 Terrible Things That Caring People Say after reproductive loss
- Top 10 Terrific Things to Say and Do after reproductive loss
- Adopt a Butterfly – A butterfly can be placed on the Memorial Wall in our headquarters, to honor a specific loss.
- Share the hashtag #ForgetMeNot on social media
“Father’s Day may be the right time to ask someone about their reproductive loss,” offered Fredenburg. “It’s never too late to ask; as those involved have not forgotten.”
ABOUT THE INSTITUTE OF REPRODUCTIVE GRIEF CARE
The Institute of Reproductive Grief Care is the global authority on reproductive grief care. It offers education, research, expertise and support after reproductive loss without religious or political affiliation. Its goal is to accelerate the widespread adoption of a reproductive grief standard of care, bringing comfort and hope to millions who often grieve alone and in silence for years or decades.
The Institute’s online courses are accredited as a provider of nursing continuing professional development by the American Nurses Credentialing Center’s Commission on Accreditation. The Institute of Reproductive Grief Care is approved by the California Board of Registered Nursing, Provider #17434. It is also approved by the National Association of Social Workers (NASW) and the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (CAMFT) to sponsor continuing education for LMFTs, LCSWs, LPCCs, and LEPs. We maintain responsibility for our program and its content. The Institute also certifies healthcare professionals and others in reproductive grief care.
The Institute offers books, memorial items, and other healing resources directly to those affected, including the “Forget Me Not Signature Collection” of sympathy cards, jewelry and comfort boxes. The national campaign, promoting the “Forget Me Not” flower as a symbol of reproductive loss remembrance, won the grand prize of “Nonprofit Communications Campaign of the Year” by Public Relations Daily in 2022. All Institute proceeds from sales of “Forget Me Not” items go directly to helping those impacted. The Institute is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit. For more information, see the Institute’s introductory video and visit ReproductiveGrief.org.